Love: a feeling or a choice?

Carlos Conyers with his girlfriend, Amaya Smith. Photo Courtesy: Carlos Conyers

Love can be defined as great interest and pleasure in something or someone. While some may think love is a feeling you can’t control, in some ways the concept of love is founded on choices rather than feelings.

The main concept is that love is a decision that people make to show their partners they have feelings for them.

Terri Orbuch, a distinguished professor of sociology at Oakland University, said, “I think love can be a feeling, but then it becomes a choice whether you accept those feelings and act on them or not.”

Feelings can usually fade in long-term relationships, leading to separation. Choices can make a huge difference in a relationship.

The issue with love as a choice is that people in love often make many sacrifices for each other. For instance, disagreements and conflicts can ruin the feeling of love in relationships. However, these problems are easier to get through when two people have made a choice to love each other.

Carlos Conyers, a Leon County resident, believes that love is more of a feeling rather than a choice.

“It’s a feeling more so than a choice,” Conyers said. “Although you choose who you love, it’s still a feeling first.”

This idea also makes the idea of true love questionable. Some may feel you can love more than one person.

“I think the idea that there is only one single person who is your perfect match sets people up for unhappiness and frustration,” Orbuch said.

This can result in anyone being someone’s true love, or soulmate, as long as both parties are willing to put in the work to make the relationship last.

Kaylen Hayes, a junior pre-physical therapy student at FAMU, believes that love is a choice rather than a feeling because you can fall out of love.

“Some may even say the choice of love is an investment,” Hayes said. “The choice of an [investing in] love is work put in, trusting the process and hoping for a great outcome.”

Since you can love more than one person, it can be hard finding out if the other person has the right qualities or not. Love stands out as a choice and not a feeling because when you find a person, sticking around through trials and tribulations is easier.

Choosing to love comes with lots of commitment and sacrifices, but can better the chances for a relationship to make it, paving the way for commitment, a practice that is not guaranteed when feelings are involved.