FAMUAN Face-off: Keenan vs. Jordan on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is a social and emotional handicap. There are many legends and myths regarding the history of St. Valentine’s Day, however it does not have anything to do with repugnant heart-shaped balloons, cheap chocolate, and obnoxious singing teddy bears from Walgreen’s.

I didn’t always think Valentine’s Day was a pointless sham, though. I used to be “that guy” that bought his girl a dozen red roses, wrote a long note showcasing my chicken-scratch handwriting, and planned an evening the romantically challenged could never imagine. Even though I had a different valentine every year, I went H.A.M.! And suddenly out of nowhere, as if Cupid struck me with a broken arrow, I scorned Valentine’s Day.

Similar to the rest of the country, I was taught that Valentine’s Day is a day taken to celebrate your feelings for the most convenient number in your phone, or just the girl you happen to be with for the month of February. Now I just burn bridges at the end of January so by the time February 14 rolls around, there won’t be any surprises.

I did some research and I found that Valentine’s Day is old, and just like any other “holiday” its origin had been butchered and twisted into something completely different.

The Lupercalia festival, which was an ancient pre-roman pastoral festival usually observed throughout history on February 13 to the 15 was held to celebrate the warding off of the evil spirits of ancient Rome, purifying the city. Fertility and health were products of this celebration. Out of this observance came many different truths, myths, and rituals that have become known today as St. Valentine’s Day.

I don’t mean to rain on anyone’s cheesy Valentine’s Day ceremonies, but it is not what you think it is. It’s not worth celebrating, and it’s a lie. If I were to celebrate Valentine’s Day I would celebrate it everyday.

It’s always funny seeing people go to so many different measures to please someone for Valentine’s Day. Crowded restaurants, sold out candy shelves, and sappy love songs requested on 90.5 grind my gears for 24 hours. I wish I could fast forward to the 15 already!

I’m not going to waste money on those chalk-tasting hearts with words on them, balloons always crowd up my backseat, and roses really do smell like boo boo.