Men’s guide to football

Before the homecoming game this Saturday, guys, there are a few things to keep in mind. Don’t worry ladies, these by-laws pertain to you too:1. No man should watch football alone.But if a man is forced to watch football alone, certain steps must be taken to ensure the experience is as pleasant as possible. When home alone, football should always be watched from the comfort one own favorite chair. This chair can be a beanbag, video game rocker, rocking chair or just plain old cushy chair. After establishing a seat, food must be chosen. Lone wolf foods include: pizza, wings, soda, muffins, chips, pretzels or other unhealthy foods. 2. Always accept refreshments from a buddy’s house. Yes, this is also “man law.” When watching football at a friend’s house, no matter how bad the food looks or smells, it is mandatory that you take at least one. Drinks may only be turned down if you currently have one in front of you. As long your team is winning. 3. Throwing objects is never acceptable. I don’t care if you’re a Lions fan. If your team is getting spanked, sit down, shut up and take it like a man. Throwing things, whether you are alone, at a bar or with a buddy is never all right. 4. Women can watch football too. Why would any self-respecting man confine a good woman to the kitchen? Get your own food, grab your own beer unless someone offers, but no man should ever tell a woman, especially his own girlfriend to “fetch” something for him. If your girl is good enough to sit and watch football with you, then you should count yourself lucky. A woman is not a football servant. 5. Football time is not sad time. It’s not a time to complain about your teachers or your crappy job. Drew Brees, of the New Orleans Saints, is lighting up some team, and all you can do is complain about something else. The only things that should be discussed during a football game are the game, other more important games that may be going on, good looking women, food and what your planning for after the game. Commercial breaks are good opportunities for outside friendly discussions, but no buzz-kills. It’s just plain not fair. 6. If you’re going to the game, tailgate. This should be a no-brainer. There’s bonding to be had, grilled food to enjoy and games to play. Just don’t mooch. Either know somebody helping out with the tailgating, or bring a peace offering. Don’t just show up and expect people to share, unless you bring cute girls. 7. Dress out. Unless you were at work 30 minutes before the game started, support your team and at least color coordinate. If you are going to a game live or watching it nearby, the time limit is cut to 15 minutes, as you should have a change of clothes in your car.