Successful, unmarried: a dismal reality for black women

42.4 percent. According to Golden Brooks’ character, Suzette, from “Something New,” 42.4 percent of educated black women will not be married. That statement alone gives me crow’s feet.

I try to keep that very large and depressing percentage in context whenever I feel I may be slipping into my “high-maintenance” tendencies, when it comes to dealing with my beloved black men.

But let us be real about this situation. Sometimes the brothers are on that, what I like to call “foolywang,” or complete and utter foolishness that I and so many other deserving black women, cannot stand and cause us so much grief and stress.

After seeing “Something New,” I struggled with the very real possibility of never being married. Who is really to blame in this situation: educated women who refuse to lower their bourgeois standards? Or, the unavailability of potential suitors? I disagree with latter.

I recently asked a friend of mine the correct spelling for the above mentioned word, “bourgeois,” and he replied snidely with, “K-I-K-O-R-A.”

I wasn’t offended–I actually kind of chuckled at the remark. Being called “bourgeois” is neither here nor there.  Educated black women are not marrying or meeting compatible mates—and it’ s serious.

According to a study done by Hannah Bruckner from Yale University’s Center for Research on Inequalities and the Life Course, highly educated black women have delayed child birth and have increasingly fewer options for potential mates—AND we’re least likely to pursue relationships outside of our race. Couldn’t agree with this more.

I suppose Sanaa Lathan’s character, Kenya McQueen, woke up to these statistics as well.

It seems like being in a successful relationship is about give and take. Why is that? Yes, I want to have a financially stable career and reap a few materialistic benefits. On the other manicured hand, I don’t particularly wish to visit European countries during autumn months, explore the
Big Apple’s modern art museums or have Caribbean summer vacations, alone. By myself. In a party of one. ‘Till the end of my days.

But I haven’t given up. Some may argue that this is unreasonable, but I want to have my cake and eat it too. It is completely possible to have a happy marriage, with children, in addition to a bountiful career.

It’s all about the age-old battle of balance.

I have standards and they aren’t necessarily negotiable, but I am flexible. Before resorting to McQueen’s antics, even though Simon Baker’s character is very attractive, I’d rather not.

I suppose my girlfriends and I will still be going in circles over this for years to come—over a round of martinis of course.

Only time will tell what the future holds. Until then, I’ll just take the possibility of never marrying with a grain of salt.

And some guy, somewhere, will still be eating cold turkey sandwiches for dinner in a party of one. ‘Till the end of his days.