Top 10: Things to do if you’re lonely

1. Read a book. Do your homework for next week. Keep yourself as busy as possible so you don’t recognize your roommates’ cheer when they come in with gifts.

2. Buy the Keyshia Cole television series and one of her albums. You will see that your love life is not that depressing compared to hers. Don’t listen to her album for more than 10 minutes or you might have to be transported to the hospital for depression.

3. Buy yourself a gift. Who loves you more than yourself?

4. Go out with your other single and lonely friends. You can be lonely together so it will not feel as bad.

5. As soon as you get out of class, go home and go to sleep.

6. Ladies, watch “Waiting to Exhale.” Guys, watch “A Thin Line between Love and Hate.” Afterward you’ll be pleased you don’t have a Valentine.

7. Dress in black. Let people know you don’t have a Valentine. Maybe someone will sympathize with you and you can get one at the last minute.

8. Put on some hiking gear and tell everyone you are hunting for Cupid.

9. Go to the store and request they have all those biased Valentine products removed. Make a case and go to the manager.

10. Go on a dinner date with your imaginary friend. When the waiter asks you how many people will be accompanying you, tell her it’s a party of two.