Black men less afraid to discuss issues of intimacy

If you think all men want is sex from a woman , as fast as they can get it, you are wrong. Despite generalities about men rushing to get the goodies, some men on campus are toughing it out until it’s the right time for intimacy.

Donnell Sheridan, a junior engineering student from Gainesville, is in no rush to have sex when he is in a relationship. Sheridan said sex is not the main ingredient in his relationships, so he does not pressure his mate for intimacy. “When I meet a girl, I sit back and let it happen. When it happens, it happens.”

Sheridan also said that because he plays football, girls automatically assume he is with them for physical reasons. He said that although looks play a part in being attracted to a girl, intelligence is more important.

While some men choose to wait a while before intimacy, others use intuition to decide when to get close. Kenny Davis, a senior secondary education student from Lakeland, said there is no such thing as too soon to have sex. “If I meet someone and we have a good vibe, then I don’t feel that we should necessarily have to wait a certain time before we have sex,” said Davis. Davis also said that while he doesn’t put time restraints on intimacy, it is a turn-off when women come on too strong.

Maurice Martinez, a senior English education student from Mobile, Ala., said he too waits to feel out a woman’s “vibe” before considering being intimate with her. “I don’t just jump into intimacy; I have to feel her out. There is no set time that I go by, just the right mood,” said Martinez.

Dannel Shepard, a sophomore business student, said he waited a year and six months before he and his significant other had sex. He said he waited because his girlfriend was not ready.

“I never pressed the issue with her. If you really like someone, you will give them that time until they are ready,” Shepard said. The Cincinnati native said he knew it was real love because waiting to have sex was so easy.

Moods, vibes, waiting, or not-what is the morally correct thing to do when couples are ready for intimacy? Eula Washington, an evangelist and counselor at the Union Branch Missionary Baptist Church in Tallahassee, advises young people not to rush into intimacy. Although it may seem old-fashioned, Washington’s recipe for a successful long term relationship is to “wait until marriage before having sex.” Washington said waiting allows couples to build love, trust and each others expectations.

While waiting for marriage may seem like a far-fetched idea to some, it is not. Ernest Williams, a junior criminal justice student said he is “mentally strong enough to wait until marriage” before he has sex with his girlfriend. Williams, also a football player, said “waiting for sex makes the relationship more meaningful.”

Washington warns students against becoming intimate for the wrong reasons. She said some students have low self-esteem and become intimate to fit in. “Learn to love yourself first; don’t do something you’re not ready to do just to please someone else.”

Washington advises students to always use ethical judgment regarding intimacy and to not rush into meaningless physical relationships. “Get to know the person before considering being intimate; communicate, have well defined goals and know their goals and what they want out of life,” Washington said.

Moral guidance is the best guidance when deciding if you are ready for intimacy, but if you are in need of counseling, Eula Washington can be reached at (850)766-0150.

Contact Kisha Wilkinson-Ferrell at