Rules of intimacy can be blurry for lovers

So just how long do couples wait before becoming intimate? According to a few Florida A&M University female students, relationships are not just about having sex. In fact, there are some campus couples that are intentionally leaving sex out of their recipe for love.

Keishae Howey, a second year elementary education student has been in a relationship for two years. Howey considers her relationship to be a healthy one and she gives credit for her healthy relationship to slowing down, and not rushing intimacy. “You have to allow a guy to respect you; I know my boyfriend is with me because of who I am and not for any other reason,”said Howey.

The Jacksonville native also encourages other young women to wait before getting physically involved with a person until you know the person well.

Joan Clayton, a character from UPN’s sitcom “Girlfriends” often jokes of her three month rule regarding sex; no matter how fine the guy is, or how turned on she is, she waits a mandatory three months before engaging in sex with a guy she is dating.

Joan is not the only one with the three month rule; Erica Dobbs, a political science student from Kansas City, also follows the three month before intimacy.

“I feel like after I have been dating a guy for three months then technically we are in a relationship, so it is okay to have sex,” said Dobbs.

Dobbs also said that attitudes about sex can be confusing because students have so much going on at one time. “I think they [students] do it for the wrong reasons, things like peer pressure can make a person do what they normally would not,” said Dobbs.

Dobbs suggests that students maintain a high level of maturity when in a relationship and stay focused on their studies.

Some ladies might set a limit before they engage in sexual intercourse, and others chose not to at all.

Keiya Floyd has been in a fulfilling relationship with her beau for six months and they have chosen not to engage in sex. “We decided it would make a more meaningful relationship to not have sex,” said Floyd.

The junior psychology and criminal justice student said that many easily get caught up in sex and then do not focus on anything else about the person.

Floyd said there is so much more to relationships than sex. If sex is the main focus of a relationship, take that away and there is nothing left.

Relationships should also be a place where both people can grow, according to Harold Ford, Clinical Coordinator and counselor at the Counseling and Assessment Center at Sunshine Manor.

Ford said that students should “look beyond the surface and look for a friend.” Finding a friend could be the key in having a healthy relationship he said.

Ford said that you should first look for things that you have in common. Normally when new couples share the same interests, they have more to talk about.

Ford also suggests that couples should get to know each other and try to abstain from intimacy as long as possible. “Sex should be somewhere down the road in a relationship,” said Ford. If it is unrealistic for couples to abstain, Ford said that they should always have protected sex.

To speak with a counselor or get more information on building healthy relationships, visit the Sunshine Manor located between the Black Archives and Tucker Hall.

Contact Kisha Wilkerson at