The new pope: old issue or just plain old

Catholics rejoice! Benedict XVI is ready to serve as your Sovereign of the Vatican City State, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Province of Rome, Primate of Italy, Patriarch of the West and Supreme Pontiff of the worldwide Catholic Church in union with Rome.

In other words, he’s the infallible guy in the huge hat that rides around in his own personal bulletproof car. Some people might call him the pope.

Benedict XVI succeeds the beloved John Paul II who recently died at the age of 84.

I would think that the church might want to go after a younger pope who could lead the 1.1 billion Catholics of the world for an extended period of time. However, they chose Joseph Ratzinger, 78.

He is the oldest elected pope since 1730. Since the average life expectancy in America, one of the most technologically advanced nations in the world, is 77, I am guessing that the College of Cardinals may be electing yet another pope long before FAMU approves a new president.

Did you see him when he was presented before the people of Italy? He looked frail and feeble. Maybe we should just label him “interim” pope so Catholics don’t get too attached.

I know that the College of Cardinals wanted somebody experienced enough to deal with the trials that come with being pope, but they could have at least chosen someone who can lift his own pope hat.

John Paul II was 58 when he was elected pope. That’s 20 years younger than Benedict XVI!

In the past 20 years, snowboarding has become an Olympic sport, Al Gore has invented the Internet and Michael Jackson has been both ebony and ivory.

Benedict’s age is not my only concern. The fact that he served in the German military during Hitler’s regime raises concerns. He joined the Hitler Youth in 1941, and mentioned in his memoirs that a Nazi mathematics professor arranged reduced tuition payments for him at seminary.

How does the College of Cardinals not address these issues? It seems that better background checks are done on Fear Factor contestants.

After serving in the Hitler Youth, the pope was drafted into national service in Germany during World War II. He protected jet fighter bases, BMW aircraft plants and attacked allied bombers as they made their way towards Munich.

The United States, populated with more than 281 million people, impeached a president because he had oral sex with a woman outside of his marriage. The Roman Catholics, with 1.1 billion members, elected a man who has served as military personnel for one of the most ruthless degenerates in the history of the world.

How many people did Clinton ethnically cleanse during his administration?

I’m not calling the pope a Nazi, he just wore the uniform.

Nevertheless, have no fear Catholics, the pope isn’t just a dapper-hatted ex-German military officer, he’s also an inconsiderate religious purist who believes that, “only in the Catholic church is there eternal salvation.”

I’m not a Catholic hating, pope bashing, liberal goon with no concern for my elders. I am a person that feels that the pope’s value is overstated and blown out of proportion. He’s not my pope, but people seem to forget this.

I’ve shared my opinions with friends and associates and many have told me I’m going to get struck by lightning or even worse go to hell for my views. As long as I get to pack a hat as debonair as the pope’s in my carry-on luggage; I will be the coolest cat riding first-class to Hades.

Kyle Hopewell is a senior newspaper journalism student from Philadelphia. He can be reached