Berry lacks talent, but is belle of ball

So in one night, the Academy of Motion Pictures, Arts and Sciences decides to bestow black Hollywood with not one, not two, but three Oscars in one night. Who says affirmative action is dead? Not the arrangers of Negro Night at the Movies.

Why this year, I wonder, out of all the years blacks played incredible roles?

One legend, one talented actor and one mediocre actress. Two parts that didn’t put blacks in the best of light – a drug abusing, murdering, crooked cop and a chain-smoking, child-abusing single mother with a penchant for unprotected sex.

Is this what wins Oscars? Thank God I’m going to law school, or else I may never eat.

Now, you’ll never hear me down Denzel. The man is a walking, breathing god, a young Poitier. I was happy for the cat.

Despite the questionable role, Washington played it to the T. I can’t say whether he deserved this year’s Oscar or not, but I chalked it up to his loss when he played Malcolm X.

As for Halle Berry, well … to answer all the e-mails in one swoop: Yes, I was the chick on campus with the homemade “Halle Berry Sucks” shirt on the day after the Oscars.

Nothing’s changed with me – Halle sucked the night before the Oscars and she sucks now. Academy Awards be damned – Titanic won thirteen, so I put no merit in them.

I’m going to keep the Halle bashing light this time around. Hey, Halle didn’t award herself.

To extend the olive branch, I hereby offer my services as an author, since Halle’s acceptance speech (the little I saw before I walked out in disgust) proves that she is about as deep as a dimple on a golf ball.

Halle, if you ever need someone to ghostwrite the story of your life: “Big Tits, No Talent: You Too Can Win An Oscar,” just give me a call.

Having thought about it, I realized that every black actor ever nominated for an Oscar has been nominated for some craptastic role.

Think about it: Hattie McDaniel was a slave, Sidney Poitier, a handyman, Morgan Freeman, a chauffeur. Denzel Washington got his butt whipped in “Glory,” Whoopi Goldberg was a con artist and gypsy clown in “Ghost,” and Cuba Gooding Jr. played a loudmouthed football star in “Jerry Maguire.” Only Louis Gossett, Jr. had a respectable role as a drill sergeant. That doesn’t say very much about the Academy.

Personally, I can’t wait to see what kind of position the next black woman will have to twist her body into win the next Oscar. Halle has set a helluva precedent that’s going to be very hard to top.

If the Academy really wants to look good, they need to call every member of the cast of “The Color Purple” – Steven Spielberg included – apologize for tripping, and hand all of them the Oscars they truly deserved seventeen years ago.

That’ll impress me. This year’s Oscars – history making or no – did not.

J. Danielle Daniels, 20, is a sophomore political science student from Dallas. She serves as the deputy opinions editor. She can be reached at