Valentine’s Day phobics: Do all you can, make this day less sappy

10. Let the Famuan chase your blues away. Everyone here spends so much time in Tucker Hall 309 that almost all of us are single. We feel your pain.

9. Laugh at all the girls on the Set struggling to carry those 200-pound teddy bears while in high heels. Laugh harder at the girls who spent about $200 on new Jordan for their men, knowing they’ll be single again on the 15th.

8. Give a Valentine to someone you know you’ll love this time next year, like a relative or a close friend.

7. Take one shot of vodka for every month you’ve been without a significant other. You’ll get a warm and fuzzy feeling in no time.

6. Crank up “Ho” by Ludacris, and smile knowing you don’t have to listen to those sappy love longs from 1992.

5. Dump your significant other, the one who suddenly showed an interest in you on February 12th.

4. Study. Remember that your grades do count on February 15th and beyond.

3. Thank your lucky stars that you have more sense this year, remembering that last year you spent your net check on your stalker ex.

2. Grab some friends and crack up at Halle Berry’s so-called acting in “Monster’s Ball.”