Mike Tyson to change venue, boxing license not option

Congratulations to Roy Jones and Bernard Hopkins on their knockout wins. Hopefully, they will fight later this year and nobody will get hit, bit or have their country’s flag desecrated at the Jones/Hopkins pre-fight press conference.

Although I should devote more space to a potential Jones/Hopkins match-up, my mind keeps drifting back to Mike Tyson.

Last week, I made a few pithy observations about Iron Mike’s post-boxing future, and how we are his global village, etc… God, I’ve wracked my brain, trying to chart a path for that man.

Mid-week, I really thought I had a vision of Mike entering the cooking ware market. Just picture it… the Mike Tyson Grill. The more I pondered the idea, and slept on it, and imagined Mike at trade shows, calling George Foreman a slew of filthy names and denigrating pork lovers everywhere, it seemed hopeless.

The man does have his GED from the state of Indiana. Maybe he could be a returning student. Hey, I went to community college after I initially dropped out of school.

I Just popped a few Zolofts, hit my books and here I am, a success story in the making. A campus environment has soothed my inner rage.

FAMU might not be a bad place for Tyson, after he obtains his A.A. degree. I see him at SBI. Yes, I realize the curriculum is the most demanding on campus, and I’m sure Dean Mobley, if she’s reading this, is like, “thanks for the suggestion, Mr. Carson. You have an eye for the model SBI student.”

If nothing else, it would be instructive for inquisitive business students to hear Tyson’s Don King anecdotes. There’s a lot of Don King-types in the business world.

Witness an excerpt of one of Enron CEO Kenneth Lay’s intercepted e-mails: ” …no need for concern, Enron employee. Our 401 (k) is a TKO of an investment, our shares multiplying and triplifying from $40 to $80 to $160 a share…”

Now is the time to prepare, FAMU. It should take Tyson about two years to get through community college. By the time he arrives, there should be a new president in place, and maybe a provost, too. The Legislature might even spring loose some money for the inevitable security measures needed to accommodate Mike and his entourage.

It sounds like a plan. Quit boxing and go back to school, Mike. Finish your education. Become a Rattler.