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With Valentine’s Day approaching, sex becomes an even bigger topic of conversation and on the campus of Florida A&M University, hook-up culture is on the rise. The idea of being a virgin or actively practicing celibacy is often a short-lived topic. Many look to the upcoming holiday as a day of love, gifts and glorified sexual obligations. To some FAMU students, more is valued than intimacy and there are other ways to celebrate the ones you love.
In today’s society, especially on a college campus, you can get a sexual partner at the same speed as a delivery service, whether that be with someone you’re in a relationship with or a ‘sneaky link.’ Having a sexual partner and sometimes even multiple is second nature to many. Despite sliding in the DM’s or “shooting your shot,” more and more students are not having sex for a variety of reasons.
Kobe Buggs, a second-year political science student, states there is no specific reason he chooses not to have sex. He believes in true connection and doesn’t let outside pressure from others stir his core beliefs.
“I don’t feel the urge to have sex. I like to have an emotional and mental connection with my significant other or anyone before taking that huge step which I deem is something valuable,” Buggs said. “I believe in soul ties and that intimacy could in fact create a healthy or toxic relationship. I used to feel pressure from society as a black man, but some guys never think of what they’re doing to their partners outside of just intimacy.”
While others practice celibacy for protection against soul ties, some partake with aspirations of personal development and happiness, another FAMU student found that celibacy led her to a new height of self-discovery.
“Once you share your body with someone, they become a priority to you whether you like it or not. Not having sex makes it much easier to make yourself your own priority and create a more intimate connection with yourself and others,” a FAMU student said. “After my last relationship, I discovered myself outside of being sexual and found a love for my own emotional intelligence. I gained more discipline, which led me to become more productive overall.”
It’s no surprise that men often expect sex from women and Valentine’s Day makes this no different. Students who are celibate have found other creative ways to enjoy the holiday and make those around them feel special.
“This year, I don’t have a valentine, so my friends and I are planning a Galentine’s day brunch. We’re going to enjoy good food and each other’s company,” said a FAMU student anonymously.
Kobe Buggs shared that though he doesn’t have a Valentine, not having sex wouldn’t matter as there are other ways he’d plan to make his significant other feel special.
“I don’t have one, so I don’t plan on doing anything but if I did, I would spend it going to a nice fancy restaurant like Shula’s Grill and just dine,” Buggs said.
An anonymous business administration student shared her thoughts on celibacy and plans to leave the date up to her partner with a mutual understanding of choosing an alternative way to celebrate the day of love.
“I feel like when you’re in a relationship with someone and you jump the gun to sex it ruins the connection. This is my first time having a Valentine, so I don’t really know what to expect, but we are both excited to celebrate while having a mutual understanding of respect.”
Doing the opposite of the majority is not always easy, but to those that choose to uphold this level of respect, Valentine’s Day is about so much more than just sex to them.