The term “pick-me” refers to females who go out of their way to impress guys and try to appear different from other females. Some believe it is a result of internalized misogyny. It’s no surprise some find pick-me female’s antics annoying after too many interactions with them.
The common characteristic of these females is that they seem to build their entire persona around being desirable to men, even if it’s at the expense of other women.
Pick-me females would much rather have a cold beer than a Bahama Mama Martini, because who even likes those soft drinks?
“Pick-me girls are very unnecessary because why are you trying to prove that you are different? Just be yourself. I’m not too fond of them, and sometimes girls belittle women to get male recognition,” said Manica Joseph, a third-year criminal justice major at Florida A&M University.
The trouble with these women is clear, but how are these personalities created?
In nearly every aspect of life, women are raised to seek male validation. Innocent comments like, “When do you plan on getting a boyfriend?” or, “You know, men don’t find all that makeup attractive,” are instilled in women who believe they can only be themselves inside the parameters of what their future husband would find appealing.
Devin Lloyd, a third-year engineering student at FAMU, says pick-me females may appear easier to date in the eyes of most guys, but his views are changing now that he’s older.
“The more I’ve matured, the more I’ve realized that ‘pick me’ girls don’t often respect themselves as women or have some sort of trauma that has led them to seek attention from men,” Lloyd said.
The origins of pick-me females come from patriarchal ideas that determine what and who is desirable. Despite these desperate attempts to intentionally become the spitting image of what a man wants in a woman, pick-me females putting other women down is counterproductive.
Women empowerment is gaining momentum and beating all the odds that this patriarchal society dishes out. To cross the next threshold of becoming a more inclusive and less judgmental generation, we need to stop blaming women for becoming exactly what society has made them to be.
“At the end of the day, the only opinion that should matter is yours. Be content with that and leave the boys alone for now,” Raquel Govia, a fourth-year psychology major at FAMU, said.
Prioritizing self-love in girls, regardless of who’s compatible with them, will decrease the need to be desired. This Valentine’s Day, spend time doing personally satisfying activities with no regard for anyone else, whether that’s putting on a full face of makeup or crawling into bed and binge-watching “The Bachelor.”