When men are rejected by women, do they associate rejection with their masculinity? Yes, rejection sucks whether you’re the one shutting someone else down, or the person who’s being shut down. However, we all can agree that there is a right and wrong way to react when someone tells you they’re not interested.
“Men have been taught since the earliest of times to protect their masculinity,” saidpsychotherapist Jaime Gleicher. “When they’re rejected, they associate it with their masculinity and when that is threatened, they attempt to fight for it to reprove their manliness.”
According to a popular Instagram page Wuzhadnintally, a Tallahassee man was arrested Feb. 22 after deputies say he went after a woman with an AK-47 inside of a convenience store. He was restrained by bystanders. The suspect Javarius Pearson, 22, faces charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and improper exhibition of a firearm. Pearson and the victim were involved in a verbal argument inside of the gas station in the 5700 block of Blountstown Highway. Court records indicate Pearson approached the woman andentered her personal space. She asked him to back away and he refused, causing the argument that included him saying he would kill her, according to the Leon County Sheriff’s Office. After Pearson threatened her, he allegedly retrieved the rifle from his vehicle. When Pearson tried to go back into the store, bystanders restrained him and he fled the scene. Although Pearson indicated he had no intentions on hurting the victim, according to LCSO, when he was located there was also a rifle with 14 live rounds in a magazine found in his home.
So what drives a man to this type of behavior? Emotions? Past experiences? Too sensitive? Or is it that their ego has been bruised? Ordinarily, when their advances are rejected, most men seem to respond aggressively. When they are not insulting or defaming the woman in question, they may go after the her reputation to hurt her either physically or emotionally. The feeling that comes to most when rejected is despair, sadness or even being shocked.
According to Francis Omondi, a city-based psychotherapist, being rejected is one of our deepest fears. “We all yearn to belong somewhere, whether it’s with a group of friends, family, or job. So when rejected, we feel unattractive, unlovable, unqualified or of little or no value,” the psychotherapist-said, adding that when these feelings crowd our minds, we are likely to go crazy.
“Men not only love winning all the time, they are socialized to be winners,” she added.
Omondi also adds that being beaten by fellow men is bad for most men, but it’s even worse to lose to a woman. So, when rejected by a woman men may feel that their masculinity is being threatened or they are being told they are not good enough.
On Jan. 18, around 6 p.m., an unidentified woman was brutally attacked outside a liquor store in Harlem by three male suspects. After turning down their advances and trying to leave, the woman was chased, battered, and robbed by her attackers. According to Madamenoire, a blog page, the incident began when one of the men offered to pay for the 31-year-old mother’s wine. The woman declined the man’s offer, and the attacker felt snubbed. “I politely declined,” the woman explained, “and I said no thank you, but thank you, I can pay for it myself.”
As the woman gathered her things and got ready to leave the store, she said that one of the attackers informed her that he felt she thought she was better than them. The men followed her out of the store asking her what did she want to do about the situation. “I just asked him, I said, ‘You’re seriously trying to fight me? I am trying to go about my business,’” she said.
The woman began to be chased across the street being brutally beaten, kicked and bit on her forehead. This was confirmed by the surveillance footage. The victim pleaded with the attackers, telling them that she just wanted to get to her daughter. When the woman’s phone dropped, an attacker pried the phone out of her hand. Although the authorities are still looking for the suspects, this was not their first incident.
“Men’s aggressive reaction to rejection is a by-product of an erroneously set societal narrative, with many expected to play pushers and always win in the end,” Omondisaid.
Rejection hurts, and pain is felt in the neurological pathways in the brain. This leads to an anger reaction. Rejection also makes us feel unaccepted which will also trigger anger and these two factors, separated or combined can cause anger and can lead to aggression, so it is vital that you find a healthy way of dealing with rejection and your anger stemming from it.