Abstinence in college is a fleeting concept — especially this time of year. Valentine’s Day is promoted as a day of love, but over the years it has evolved into a glorified sex holiday. There is already a culture where men expect sex from women, but Valentine’s Day only magnifies this.
So how do people partaking in abstinence celebrate a beautiful holiday about love when all guys want is sex?
“I’m a 20 year old woman, I’ve had to learn how to have fun with a boy without thinking of sex as a go-to all the time,” said FAMU sophomore Jade Franklin. “I’ve always operated in that capacity so Valentine’s Day is no different.”
Franklin believes that the narrative of Valentine’s Day has shifted from the simple concept taught to young children. Although there are people whose greatest desire is to have sex on this day, she believes that there are still people out there who partake in the holiday by making their loved one feel special and cared for while maintaining a level of respect.
While one belief shows that VDAY is what you make it, another reflects that no matter what you do a longing will still be there. Valentine’s Day means something different to every person.
“At this time of the year the temptation to have sex is not increased but the desire to share love with someone special is magnified,” said third-year FAMU chemistry major Maya Bowens.
Bowens said that it’s ironic that the people who glorify Valentine’s Day as a sex holiday are typically the people who are single and not in love with anyone. She feels as though sex is too emotional to create that attachment and connection with just anyone.
A YouGov survey showed that in February of 2020 1 in 5 men said what they really wanted for Valentine’s Day was sexual acts and favors. How many guys do you think actually feel bold enough to speak up and say that they want sex for Valentine’s Day?
From personal experience, being a college virgin is something that a lot of people don’t understand when you share this decision. Sometimes in this situation you even face judgments from peers who think the decision is stupid or pointless.
I think people don’t understand how a relationship can work without sex because technology has stunted this generation from being able to connect on a deeper level than a “wyd” or “you tryna link” insincere text message . I believe that intimacy is created more purely without sex, which in some cases forges a stronger bond between couples.
At this time of the year everything is oversexualized — even in commercials about something as simple as a piece of chocolate. A simple act of eating gets turned into a sensual moment just to sell chocolate almost as if to promote the idea that this chocolate makes a woman more open to sex.
Although times have changed and women are empowered to do things for themselves like wearing makeup or dressing up, this doesn’t stop the marketers from reverting back. Around Valentine’sDay you will see more ads encouraging women to buy sexy lingerie to look good for their man, than any at other time of the year. Men are also encouraged by this market to buy something nice for their woman to slip into.
With advertisements popping up left and right, abstaining from sex on VDay is really the last thing on anyone’s mind.