My friend is single but is very much involved with a man whom she is totally aware is “Mr. Wrong.” Her birthday is next week, and she was calling to talk about her plans. Honestly, with her boo’s track record, I was very surprised her plans would include him. This man had proven to be more of a headache than anything. Regardless, she’s had a thing for him and, against her better judgment, was looking forward to spending her birthday all booed up with “Mr. Migraine.”
Lately, the two of them hadn’t really been on good terms. She’d been giving him the cold shoulderafter one of his most recent antics. She said he’d been calling tirelessly and had planned something special in hopes of getting back into her good graces. When she finally answered his call, he immediately asked her out. She grudgingly accepted, hung up and called me to vent:
Friend:Why must I ignore and mistreat this man in order for him to act right?
Me:Girl, if only I knew the answer to that one. I would really know something.
Friend:No, Staci, for real. Why do men operate like that? When I act right, he acts wrong.
Me:Well, it’s because you have the wrong guy. What better way for life to show you that than by having things between the two of you seem, well, wrong? It’s very similar to putting a T-shirt on inside-out or backward. The wrong look and feel of the shirt is what helps you realize something is wrong. And unless you enjoy the feeling of having your shirt on wrong, logic tells you to take off the inside-out T-shirt.
Friend: I like that analogy. So what you saying? I should just take the Negro off and put him back on? What would be the point of that? I sometimes feel like I’m dealing with a child.
Me:If he feels wrong, you just might. Unfortunately, some men are a lot like children. If you give them an inch, they’re going to take a mile. Some men don’t see a woman’s relaxed guard as a sign of love and respect. Some view it as a sign of weakness, much like a child who decides to do something crazy just because his parents aren’t paying close attention.
Any woman who chooses to date a man who acts like a child will be burdened with raising him to be the man she wants. The question you must ask yourself is: Is this man worth all the trouble? Because, fact is, there are plenty of fully functioning adult men who have their ducks in a row and are not about playing children’s games.
Friend:Well, why hadn’t any of these men approached me, Staci?
Me:Do you really want to know?
Friend:Yeah, I really want to know.
Staci:Well honestly, it’s because much like your grown-child-man, a large part of you hasn’t fully grown up either. There is a part of the game your childlike side actually likes and wishes to continue playing. If this weren’t the case, you wouldn’t even entertain such a man. You would be flying too high above his radar within your grown woman ambitions. And just like you are now, he’d be the one wondering why he’s unable to find someone like you.
Personal growth and development is how a woman finds the right man. Life wouldn’t have it that some wonderful man is paired up with an immature little woman-girl. And the reverse is also true. Until you and your grown-man-child grow up, your relationship is going to have very little success. Often, your life is a reflection of you. Like a clear bathroom mirror, what you see is what you get. Some T-shirts we put on incorrectly and some we just don’t, like once we look in the mirror. Maybe you’re going to have to grow out of this one; wait until “Mr. Wrong” becomes one size too small. Because the fact that you’re willing to still date him is evidence that he just might be a perfect fit.
Friend:Wow.
Staci Cook is a junior public relations student from Tallahassee. Her goal is to found three service organizations in the areas of education, entrepreneurship and health and fitness. She plans to write self-help books and travel the world as a faith-based motivational speaker. Cook is currently writing her first book entitled, “STACI: Seeing Things As Christ Intends!”