Domestic violence not caused by rap

I was reading an article in the March issue of Vibe magazine and on the cover the words “Raps Black Eye: Domestic Abuse Exposed,” stood out like a dislocated shoulder.

The late Christopher “Big Pun” Rios’ widow-Vanessa Rios charges that the late rapper lived up to his moniker, ‘The Punisher.’

According to the article, Big Pun had been physically abusive to his wife since she was 16 years old.

Other high profiled entertainers have been accused and convicted of domestic abuse.

For example, Charli Baltimore, Faith Evans and Lil Kim have rumored and said that they all had been the objects of alleged mistreatment by the late Notorious B.I.G. Damon Dash, Busta Rhymes and Mystikal.

In yet another article, (The Source 10/2004) while the media and the public had been deriding Lil Kim too had become a bearer of blackened eyes and a repeatedly bloody nose.

“I’m talking a year ago I had the black eye, bloody lips, busted nose,” she said.

Later, in the same article, she spoke of how blatant the abuse became and how she attempted to obscure the violations through denial, cosmetics and coerced smiles.

“Its been times when I was in the car with my ex-boyfriend, and he punched me in my face and (I was) bleeding blood all over the car, all over my face, and we were on our way to pick up his mom, and here I am trying to conceal the blood, but she’s staring, like, ‘I don’t believe it.'”

After reading the chronicles of abuse in both of these articles, I became concerned for them.

Then it occurred to me that rap music doesn’t necessarily perpetuate domestic violence.

The lack of self-esteem and self-love is the continuum in abusive relationships.

Manipulation and control are the contributing spices in the mix of contention.

When children enter the scene-the hopeful changing medium-the abuse is said to be endured for the kids; they need a father figure.

Forget the kids. Caveats from concerned friends and family warn of inevitable peril or death, but “You don’t hear all of that when you love somebody,” Kim said in the Source interview. Bingo!

Is it love that causes these women to allow themselves to be deprecated?

Is it love that says that the bruises don’t really hurt, and that they aren’t embarrassing?

Are they not themselves perpetual inspirations of some rap songs by some rap artists?

While I am not a proponent of domestic violence, I do find these women and women like them culpable in the brutal demises of self-esteem and purpose.

Perhaps, that may be the unacknowledged problem-that maybe a clear and concise definition of who one is hasn’t been addressed and established.

To be able to love someone doesn’t entail physical detriment. Being involved with someone shouldn’t require one to jump through hoops, grand rings of fire.

However, there are thousands of women being abused, and many fail to help themselves.

The old cliché, “no one can do nothing more to you than you allow them to do,” is relative in most domestic situations.

What is the foundation that these victimized women stand upon that relinquishes support and permits them to be leveled?

The intent of this article isn’t designed to inspire revolts in relationships.

In fact, I will go so far as to say to any adult being abused to stay in that relationship until they’re full.

Not just full, but full and overflowing with whatever discomforts because leaving when your cup is half empty only leaves you thirsty for more.

But, in the event that a person is ready to leave a relationship, he or she won’t just leave. Instead he or she will run, skip, crawl or walk away.

If people are willing to be bloody and personally humiliated all for the sake of a warped love, then, “What wouldn’t they do or go through for a Klondike bar?”

Jarrell Douse is a senor public relations student from Miami. He can be reached at