“I can’t stand her.”
“She makes me sick.”
“Who does she think she is?”
“Why is he with her?”
Do these phrases sound familiar? This is the sound of hatred between females.
At the beginning of last semester, I read an article in Essence magazine about female cattiness and conflicts on college campuses. Initially, after reading the article I thought I’m glad I haven’t come across any of this yet. However, I have witnessed and encountered conflicts between females on FAMU’s campus. These conflicts have been as minor as eye rolling and teeth sucking to as major as a physical fight.
What bothers me most about these conflicts are the reasons for them. Something as small as a distasteful look between two females can stir a grudge that can last for years. But the question is why?
Why is it that women who have been best friends for years can get into an argument and never speak again, but a woman will forgive a man who has treated her wrong?
Why do some women use the same vulgar language that men use to degrade them to refer to one another? We, as women, may look at ourselves and think “I don’t do that,” but we are all guilty of these actions.
Think about how many times you have disliked someone just because one of your friends disliked that person and you didn’t really know her. This sounds really childish and petty, but once again I have actually witnessed this behavior on campus.
When I came to college, I was prepared for hard final exams, dirty dorm rooms and not-so-appetizing cafeteria food. What I was not prepared for was trivial behavior I thought we, as college students, were supposed to leave behind in high school.
You hear people say that you should cherish college friendships because they will last a lifetime, but they won’t last a month as long as people’s so-called “friends” smile in their face and talk about them behind their back.
Ladies, the pettiness must stop. As adults, we shouldn’t even have these types of problems. The next time you and a friend are about to quarrel over a guy, stop and think, “Is he really worth losing this friendship? Would he be willing to lose a friend over me?” Nine times out of 10, the answer is no. This isn’t to say that all women should be friends and share a common sisterly bond.
This, in fact, isn’t about friendship at all. This is about being a mature adult and learning not to participate in immature behavior. We, as black women, already have two strikes against us in today’s society. How will we be able to rise up and become leaders in the world if we are more concerned about how a woman’s hair looks than how she will be able to make the world a better place?
Ladies, why not lift one another up instead of bringing each other down?
Anitra Ellison is a freshman magazine production student from Columbus, Ga. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.