Don’t waste your time because he’s fine. Last weekend I got a phone call from this dude I’ve kind of known for a while.
You know, that dude who is “so fine,” but has as many issues as he is fine? Yeah. That one.
Anyway, this guy who I have not spoken with in ages called me up like I’d seen him just yesterday and had the nerve to start mackin’ to a sistah.
O.K., let’s rewind. I must admit the brother was a little fly when I met him two years ago.
That was until he opened his mouth.
The brother had no conversation. All he could talk about was his career, money- anything to do with himself.
Well, he did take time out to try to gas me up. He remarked on my wit, my charm and stuff I’m sure he’s tried that on more than one other person.
Did I mention the “ooh baby, you’re so fine speech?”
I have to be honest. Despite his lack of conversation and his tired lines, I did exchange my information with this guy.
He had a few things going for him- out of school, job, and he lived nowhere near Tallahassee.
So, I figured the conversation would improve in time.
Talk about wishful thinking. We never really went beyond awkward chit-chat. I was so sorry I ever gave him my seven digits.
Back to last weekend.
The brother who I’d spoken to once in the last six months said to me, “So… you married yet?”
Yet another tired line. “I might as well be,” I replied, telling him what he didn’t expect to hear. “The 16th is our9-month anniversary.”
I didn’t mean to burst the dude’s bubble, but you just don’t call up a lady you haven’t spoken to in ages and start mackin’.
You have no idea what’s happened in her life since she stopped calling.
The more feisty sisters will curse you out and hang up. Those of us who are more polite will say hello, do small talk, mentally rip through your wackness and find a reason to get off the phone.
Just because we don’t tell you how much of a predictable, egotistical, snooze you are doesn’t mean we don’t think it.
Ladies, do not exchange numbers with a guy if after speaking with him you realize his most redeeming quality is his looks.
Don’t even give him the benefit of the doubt. If you don’t click face to face, the phone is not going to help you. You really can do without a bugaboo.
I promise you, the 22-year-old me wouldn’t even give that dude the time of day. With age comes a little bit more wisdom.
Like the song says, “the things I used to do, I don’t do no more.”
One thing I’ve learned to do is to rectify past mistakes. There will be one less person dialing my number.
Augustine Rho, 22, is a senior broadcast journalism student from Fort Lauderdale. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.