Recently, a friend of mine was sharing with me that she no longer wanted to see her male friend because he was not ready to make her his girlfriend. Apparently he wanted to continue casually “kickin’ it,” and she was unhappy that the relationship fell into a gray area.
I’m starting to think people rush the decision of what role someone plays in their lives. They are so afraid of someone being in the gray area that they put them into a place where they may not truly belong
What exactly is wrong with the “gray area?” As far as I’m concerned, gray is the best place to be. Defining matters of love and relationships in black and white is impossible. The more people try, the more complicated things become.
The problem is that many people mistakenly believe defining a relationship gives it stability. This is unfortunate because when it boils down to it, people will do as they please.
No matter how much you tell a person you want to have a sexual relationship, they may still fall head over heels for you.
You can drill commitment into a person’s head all day, but if someone else strikes their interest, he or she will pursue that person whether you like it or not.
The only result you may get is the person does their dirt secretly instead of openly. Setting up boundaries only makes things sound good. The best time to see how a person truly feels is when they don’t have any obligations. At that point, you know that any experience that is shared is done from the heart, and not just to meet some predetermined expectation.
When it comes down to it, if people had a little more confidence, defining everything in their life wouldn’t be necessary. Be happy with what you have and don’t worry about where everything is going to lead.
Show me the person that created guidelines to their relationship before marriage and I’ll show you a moron. Until I pledge my undying love with sacred vows, no one will ever make me feel obligated to do or not do anything.
It is useless to try to set up rules in any relationship ranging from those that are exclusive down to those that are strictly sexual. There is no way to put boundaries on a person’s feelings.
Now this does not mean that establishing some type of agreement is never feasible or undesired.
On occasion, two people genuinely want the same thing from one another and they can be successful in carrying out their agreement.
Hooray and bravo for them. However, in most situations, both people do not feel exactly the same, so someone ends up agreeing to something just to satisfy the other person. This leads to cheating, misrepresentations of feelings and in the end, regret and resentment.
As long as you live how you want, and stop trying to make everything so perfect, things will be perfect and you can be happy with the outcome of all relationships.
Seeing how the future unfolds is one of life’s unspoken pleasures.
Cheron Mangum, 19, is a junior broadcast journalism student from Atlanta. She can be reached at Cheron_5@hotmail.com