The Oscars are trying to loosen up this year by adding a new category for best-animated feature.”Shrek,” “Monsters, Inc.” and “Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius” are all vying for the golden boy.That’s a good start, but if I were in charge of the Oscars, I’d make a lot more changes to the dusty awards show.First, of course, I’d ditch Whoopi Goldberg as this year’s host and lure Billy Crystal back so he can do his hilarious Oscar medley.I’d add one of those Internet-vote things during the show so that viewers could instantly pick the best and worst evening gowns at the ceremony.Then I’d add a wild gaggle of new categories that even the folks at the MTV Movie Awards haven’t thought of yet.Here are a few of the categories, with my picks for winners:
Motion picture that most surpassed expectations:”The Fast and the Furious”
Most entertaining studio motion picture:”Pearl Harbor” (Hey, quit laughing!)
Best ending: “Bandits”
Best use of pop music:”Moulin Rouge” (Don’t even think about that silly “A Knight’s Tale” thing.)
Best animated kid flick that won’t put parents to sleep: “Monsters, Inc.” (edging out “Shrek”)
Best non-animated kid flick: “The Princess Diaries”
Best performance by a kid: Haley Joel Osment in “A.I.: Artificial Intelligence.”
Hottest babe (it’s MY award show, OK?): Kate Beckinsale in “Pearl Harbor”
Most exciting mindless action flick:”Jurassic Park III”
Best hair: Nicole Kidman in “Moulin Rouge”
Best remake:”Planet of the Apes”(Well, it wasn’t a great year for remakes.)
Best sequel: “American Pie 2”
Best trailer: “Planet of the Apes”
Best opening credits:The mad conductor of “Moulin Rouge”
Best poster: “Hannibal” (The close-up on one of filmdom’s greatest villains set us up for one of the year’s grandest disappointments.)Best Aussie import:”Lantana,” a low-key thriller about a philandering cop.
Best domestic indie: “Hedwig and the Angry Inch,” a musical about a drag queen that gets a botched sex-change operation.
Best experimental animated film: “Waking Life,” squiggly meditation on existentialism and other philosophies.
Best experimental live-action film: “Memento,” that great puzzle of a film about a guy with memory problems.
Best guy movie:”Ocean’s 11″
Best chick flick: “Bridget Jones’s Diary”
Best sci-fi: “A.I.: Artificial Intelligence”
Best movie to see three times: “Memen…” what was the name of that movie again?
Most realistic war movie:”Black Hawk Down”
Most romantic war movie: “Pearl Harbor” (OK, would you people PLEASE stop laughing!)