Rejoice, black women. White Hollywood has thrown us a bone.Halle Berry won an Oscar nomination for her role of Leticia Musgrove in “Monster’s Ball.” She has the opportunity to become the first black woman to ever win best actress in a leading role since the first Academy Awards ceremony seventy-four years ago. I think we, as black women, are supposed to be excited for our “sister.” Please pardon my disgust, Rattlers. Don’t revoke my Eternally- Chocolate card while I don my most stylish “Halle Berry sucks” shirt, drink this bottle of Haterade, and protest until I lose my voice. The thought of Halle Berry being able to call herself the first black woman to ever win a best actress role is enough to make me swear off movie-watching for the rest of my life. This is the same Berry who charmed us in roles such as “B.A.P.S.,” “The Flintstones,” and “Race The Sun.” I won’t even discuss her desecration of the role of my superhero, Storm, in X-Men.Don’t get me wrong. Halle plays a helluva crackhead. But that was eleven years ago, and Miss Berry’s role in “Jungle Fever” has pretty much been the epitome of her career. Hollywood is likening her to a young Dorothy Dandridge, and I agree. The only difference is that Dorothy loved white men off-screen, while Halle throws herself at white men on-screen. A bit of research shows that the last time Halle had a black love interest was back in 1998 with “Why Do Fools Fall In Love.”Now she’s rutting with Billy Bob Thornton in “Monster’s Ball”, a movie I had to fight to keep my food down during those sex scenes that make “Hangin’ With Mr. Marcus” look classy. Way to go, Halle! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for portraying a boozing, child-abusing single mother who rolls around like a dog in heat! It’s a great message you’ve sent to our young black actresses that getting reamed from the back by men that look like they’re fresh out of the trailer parks wins award nominations. I’ll have to remember that if this college thing doesn’t work out and I lose all my dignity.I get this weird feeling that if Halle Berry looked like me, she wouldn’t have a job. No one wants someone that dark and untalented to boot. But Halle represents black America in Hollywood, unfortunately. Need a crackhead? Get Halle. Need a six-foot tall weather goddess from Egypt? Halle will work. A stripper, a stewardess, a boozing concubine? Halle Berry, white American’s answer to everything ethnic.Personally, I’m sick of seeing her face. And her breasts. And her ass. It’s sad that in America, one woman represents the entire race to so many white Americans. It’s sadder that we wound up with Halle Berry. Halle, we all know you’re beautiful. Your so-called talent is debatable, but that’s beside the point. To quote Destiny’s Child, “Nasty, put some clothes on!”Not that Beyonce and Friends have room to talk. But that’s another column.
J. Danielle Daniels, 20, is a sophomore political science student from Dallas. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. She serves as the Deputy Opinions Editor